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Confession: I’m Makeup Illiterate

Thanks to YouTube and friendly brands that offer all-in-one palettes, we all have the ability to be makeup artists. But, just because the tools are out there, means diddly squat to people like me – the people that are makeup illiterate. Yes, that’s a real thing. I like to describe makeup illiterate by giving sample questions of what a “makeup illiterate” person may ask….

  • Why do you have ten different brushes in your makeup bag?
  • My face is one color, why do I need 10 different shades?
  • What is primer? I’m not a wall, I don’t need two coats of paint.
  • Can you please apply my eyeliner?
  • How the hell do you do a smokey eye – I just look like I got punched in the face!

Okay, I’m assuming you now get the gist of what it means to be makeup illiterate. Unfortunately, that’s not my only “problem” when it comes to makeup. I actually just don’t give a damn about putting makeup on, and because I’ve lived my whole life like that, I’ve never really felt the need to wear it (or much of it).

Fun Fact: The first time I ever used makeup was Freshmen year of High School. I used clear mascara. Don’t ask me what the point of it was, because there was no point. But I thought it made me look like HOT STUFF! OW OW! (What were you thinking, 14-year old Tracey? What could you have possibly been thinking? It’s clear, you can’t see it. What’s the point? No clue, I’m coming up empty!)

In a time where you see glamour shot after glamour shot of normal people with glorious makeup on, I’m here to tell you it’s okay if you can’t hang with the new fads. And to make you feel even better about it, I’m going to share with you my step-by-step process of how I apply my makeup.

I call this segment: Makeup By Tracey. Be prepared to be underwhelmed.

Disclaimer: This is my fancy makeup routine, too. If I talked about my everyday makeup routine, I wouldn’t even have a post to share. It’s that minimal.

 

MAKEUP BY TRACEY

 

Step 1

Most people’s first step includes primer and foundation, but let me tell you a little secret; I find foundation really gross. Like it makes me a little queasy thinking about it. I know it’s weird, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it’s just gross.

(And while we’re telling secrets, I also don’t like hairspray. I hate it so much that when my friends, and myself, were immature they used to chase me around trying to spray me with it. I’ve never been more upset with friends in my life.)

Instead of adding the gross mud stuff to my face, I just go right for the blush.

Step 2: Add a little bronzer and highlighter.

For my pallette, I use URBAN DECAY. I don’t really have a professional opinion about this product, but I can say that it goes on smoothly, feels light on the skin, and lasts a LONG time! And best yet, it’s user-friendly – so thank you, UD.

Step 3

Put some eye stuff under my eyes. I either smile or laugh too much because I already have lines/wrinkles. WTF.

Step 4: Eyeliner.

Let me tell you, if I could go my entire life never having to apply eyeliner myself, I’d be a happy freaking woman. You’d think for someone that likes to color as much as I do, that I’d know how to outline an eyelid…nope. I’m so terrible at this, that most of my friends laugh at my final product and end up doing it for me. I can’t decide if they’re doing it so I look good, or so they aren’t embarrased to be with me in public…??

Step 5: Mascara.

I’m also pretty despicable when it comes to applying this as well. I’m imfamous for leaving mascara marks on my eyelids. I know, I know – that’s a big no-no. But to be honest, I don’t even realize how bad it looks until I stare at it a couple times throughout the day. I’d have to say that if I have any makeup goals this year, it’s to clean that shit up! Mascara marks aren’t pretty, Tracey.

AND VOILA!

Final notes – in a world with fancy-ass makeup, it’s important to always appreciate your natural, naked face. You’re the youest, you when you go au-natural. Embrace it. Love it. Rock it.

Peace. Love. You’re Bootyful.

 

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