One year ago today, I heard the worst five words a person wants to hear – “I don’t love you anymore”. With those five words, I died inside. Yeah, yeah. I know what you’re thinking…and you’re right. I’m being OVERLY dramatic. But, in that moment, pain surged through me – all over, physically and emotionally. So I’m sure you’re wondering “What happened?”, well that’s a very tedious and personal question for me to answer through one blog post. If you have any questions afterward, feel free to shoot me an email and I’ll answer anything 🙂 As for now, I’m just going to dive in and explain how my world was turned upside down, what it felt like and how I’ve managed to pick myself back up – yes, I know, so inspiring! 😉
On October 26, 2015 I moved away to start my life with my boyfriend of three years. He moved 5 months prior and I stayed back until I was able to find a job in the new town. Welp, 5 months and a countless amount of interviews later, I finally found a job within my field. I said “Adios, family and friends!” and immediately moved away.
7 weeks later – a year ago today – on December 15, my heart shattered into a million pieces.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
There was a lot of crying and yelling going on at this moment, but the only thing I remember from that night were those five words.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
We decided with the holidays coming up that it would be easiest for everyone if we ignored the situation until the new year. Christmas and New Year’s Eve came and went. I was still living with a man that didn’t love me. I lived with him and shared a bed with him for three weeks after those five words. It was the WORST three weeks of my life.
It wasn’t until January 8th that I had the courage to leave – I had just finished making my AWESOME vegetarian chili (I don’t know if it was the perfectly cooked food or what), but it hit me in the face like a semi truck that I needed to get the hell away from the toxic life I was letting unfold in front of me.
I left. I packed one bag of clothes, left and never turned back.
There were no goodbyes, no plan, no nothing. I left the ‘love of my life’, my puppy, my house, and my job and never turned back.
Heartbreak: It feels like the end of the world, but it’s not.
I was unemployed and living in my parents basement. I felt like I was the epitome of failure. Everyone around me was moving forward – with significant others, jobs, educations, with life in general – and I had taken a million steps backward. Everything I had planned for the near future was gone and I had no idea what to do. I started to become bitter and was finding it very hard to be happy for those around me.
After a couple weeks of complete misery, I realized I was losing myself through this breakup and I decided it was time to start thinking of myself, of who I am and what I want. To be honest, it was hard to figure out who I was without my Ex (ladies, don’t EVER let that happen, seriously. You are too amazing to let your significant other cloud the person you are). Anyway, I made a list of the things I knew I’d need to feel happy again: a job, travel and independence (from my ex and my parents).
Somehow, a fire started inside of me and I decided to throw gas on the mother trucker (my soul is the mother trucker in this reference)!
GAS THROWING – it’s a real thing.
Since then, this is what I have done and what I have learned:
- I found a job I absolutely LOVE!
- Went to Jamaica with my best friend
(Here’s a beauty shot of me returning to the homeland….)
- Flew to Florida to see my FAVE band, Rebelution (check them boys out, Here!!!), with my other best friend
- Visited the BEST blogger ever in New York City (her name is Morgan Timm, you can find her amazing blog Here!)
- Went to San Francisco with said BEST blogger ever
- Trained for a marathon and got up to 20 miles! HOT DAMN! (Unfortunately, I was in a car accident and unable to continue running, but that’s a post for later)
- Moved back out of my parents house, for the 3rd, and hopefully LAST time
- Started this blog
And last but definitely not least, I learned that the MOST IMPORTANT component to being happy is to love yourself. For the first time in all of my life, when everyone would expect me to be at my lowest-low, I found love within myself.
My people are the best people.
But to be honest, when life throws a curveball like that, you don’t have any other option. It’s really not as easy as just doing things that make you happy; although that’s a great starting point. When you hit an all time low, it’s your body’s natural response to save you. My mind and body saved me. I subconsciously knew that I deserved to be happy and the rest fell into place. But when I look back, I still don’t quite understand how I’m okay and happier than ever. Until it hit me – the people I surrounded myself with were the building blocks of my happiness.
(I could get all mushy here, but no one wants to hear that crap!) Soooo…..
A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY SUPPORT SYSTEM (in no particular order)
- My parents – they supported me emotionally, physically and literally (they housed me and fed me)
- My wonderful family (outside of my parents)
- The best girlfriends in the entire world (you know who you are, and that includes Sean Bealer and Alex Timm) (The boys probably didn’t think they would be included in the girlfriend category, but they are! Muahahaha!)
The list could go on and on because I truly believe every single person that has been in my life the past year has helped me, in some shape or form, to be the woman I am today. And for that, I am forever indebted to you all.
My best advice about love.
Love can end in heartbreak and it’s probably going to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience. Just remind yourself that you deserve happiness and you can be happy on your own – don’t rely on someone else to provide that for you. Also, please don’t ever give up on love. It may be one of the most frustrating things on planet earth, but it’s also the most beautiful.
Deep, passionate, true love is out there and I believe we will all find it someday. I haven’t given up, and I hope you don’t either! <3
Peace. Love. Self-love.
XO, The Welcome Woman