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To Tinder or Not To Tinder

Welcome back, ladies and gents! If you remember my post from last week I talked about how I’ve been working my ass off to become a strong, happy individual while recovering through my break up. Well if you missed it, I was successful in my efforts. I am now 100% satisfied with myself and my life. Because I was able to take care of myself and do the necessary things to make myself whole, I feel that I have a healthy mind to finally get back into the dating game. And yes, I call it a game because, well, look at that definition…

GAME – ɡām/ – nouna form of play or sport, especially a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck.

Dating is an arena that has an unspoken set of “rules” that everyone somewhat follows.

You chit chat for a little bit, then ask for a date, act chivalrous/respectful, hope for a second one, meet friends, become boyfriend/girlfriend, meet family, put in some more work/practice and make it last FOREVER. Then the game is over.

In reality though, the rules don’t run the game – it’s all about skill, strength and luck. Seriously…just think about it.

It takes skill, strength/tenacity and luck to get someone to notice you, then it takes even more to truly get to know someone. Once you get that far, then it takes EVEN MORE skill, strength and luck to make it actually last.

I probably didn’t have to dumb it down that much, but I was on a roll. Anyway, this may come across as me being a cynic, but the dating world can be a very shallow, intimidating and disappointing arena. It’s full of men and women who either want:

  1. Sex, sex and more sex
  2. Immediate marriage and babies
  3. Friendship/companionship for fun (that hopefully / maybe leads to more)

Now those options don’t seem horrible, but the fact is, you’re usually looking for only one of those, and that leaves you with a 33.3% chance of finding someone that wants the same thing as you. And as you all know, that’s not the best statistic one could hope for. But, that shouldn’t stop you from putting yourself out there – 33.3% is a LOT better than 0%, right?

So what are your options?

Well there’s a long, laundry list I could share with you, but honestly, who is really going to volunteer in the community every weekend and hit on guys/girls the whole time? Most twenty-somethings are, no surprise here, on Tinder.. (If you’re unfamiliar with Tinder, it’s the app where you swipe left if it’s a ‘no-no’ and right if you’re feelin’ it.) Not going to lie, within this year, I’ve probably downloaded the app five times, used it for two weeks and then deleted it. Again and again. It’s probably one of the most strange experiences I’ve ever had – good and bad.

I’ll start with the bad because it’s always better to follow up with something happy and end on a good note, rather than a somber one.

*****I will apologize because this post will come off as one-sided, from a girls point of view. If you’re a male and want to share your experiences, please reach out to me and I’ll share your story!****

The Bad and the Ugly

(Ugly is referencing personalities, not looks, everyone is beautiful in their own individual way. Word.)

Let’s face it, there are some real CREEPS out there. And when I say creeps, I’m talking “make you shiver and think ‘What in the actual fuck?’.” There’s also a ton of people who come off as egotistical, douchebags – and yeah, I’m considering this a politically correct term. And if it’s not, it should be. There’s a lot of ways to be creepy and/or a douchebag on Tinder:

  1. Pictures
  2. Profile Descriptions
  3. The first message/interaction

If the picture is you lifting your shirt up and showing off your “abs”, not cool. If it’s of *you* and a ton of “hot” girls, not cool. (Aren’t you trying to meet someone? Why would someone want to swipe right if you’re occupied with a bunch of other girls?)

I don’t know if this is the same for other people, but the deciding factor whether I’m swiping right or left, is the person’s description. If the person has something funny, interesting, intelligent to say, I’m more than likely going to swipe right. If you’re description is: “Fuck bitches, get money” – See ya. Never wanna meet ya! Again, this could just be me – some people may be interested in that and swipe right. 

Tinder Profile

Tinder Messages

Tinder Messages***These were PG compared to a few others that I decided not to share. This isn’t a bash guys/Tinder post, I just want to show what it’s like.***

The Good

Tinder is sometimes the most amazing thing – you find profiles that are so creative, witty and ‘out-there’ that they will literally make you laugh out loud! And on the plus side, you will find people who are HOT TO TROT – like woah!

Example of a fun description:

And every once in awhile you will run across some gems:

Although I’ve only been on Tinder for a couple weeks now, I have had some really great interactions. One guy offered to bring me homemade soup on a snowy day, and when I mentioned I was vegetarian, he offered to take out the chicken pieces. Well, the day came when I was supposed to meet him and I completely blew him off. He took out all the chicken from his soup just for me and I blew him off (what an asshole, right?). Anyway, he texted me a couple days later and I apologized for dropping the ball and he forgave me. Who forgives someone when they do something shitty like that, especially if you don’t know them?! So if you’re wondering if there are decently good human beings on Tinder – the answer is yes! It’s not all creeps and egotistical douchebags – there are plenty of great people on Tinder just waiting to meet YOU!

Dating advice:

Tinder isn’t for everyone, and honestly, I don’t really know if it’s for me yet. But until I find out, I’m going to take it with a grain of salt and have some fun with it. Even if I don’t know how ready I am to put myself out there, Tinder is a great way for me to dip my toes in the water – there’s no commitment, there’s no pressure, it’s free, and best yet, I can do it all from the comfort of my couch while watching Netflix and eating ALL the hummus. So if you’re single and wondering whether or not you should create a Tinder profile, I say do it! Why not?! And remember, you can always delete it if you regret your decision 😉

Peace. Love. Weird Dating Experiences.

XO. The Welcome Woman

(Disclaimer: Tinder is best done after a couple glasses of wine – trust me on this.)


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